Diabetes…”Live”abetes

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Micah’s got that diabetes… “Nah i got that ‘Live’abetes”-Micah Goddard

That month at RAMP I studied his plastic tube that hung from under his shirt like a long wallet chain. Somewhere inside pants that were always too big he carried a beeper looking insulin pump. I’ve been around a few diabetics, mostly Ben Watts and Russell West. Yet i’d never seen anyone so caviler when a snag pulled the needle out- I cringed every time and he’d just tend to it no biggie.

I’d been asking myself lately… Who will I be this winter? Explorer..Sculptor..Climber. Diabetic never crossed my mind, till now.

Today was my limit… After 9 days in the hospital getting my lungs tuned up at UAB, I was met at 8am by a Dr. telling me… good morning;”You have Diabetes”. My groggy self (are you sure?) Without hesitation; “I know you do”. The rest was a blur until I woke up sufficiently. Some docs give me the feeling that they have tools in their tackle box and can’t wait to use them. This was my thought as she told me i’d need a shot every day of long acting insulin. Apparently my fasting glucose level at 2am was 192. I’m NO expert but i do know I was eating a big meal and drank a gatorade at 1am. When the nurse took my blood before hooking up my next med at 2am the last thing I thought was… oh damn this is the last time i’ll enjoy a guilt free gummy bear. I tried to reason through my frustration. I deal with alot of treatments, why is CFRD (Cystic Fibrosis Related Diabetes) making me so irritated? Almost betrayed or ashamed.. It has bothered me all day. Kinda stole my momentum from a good pulmonary function test I had today…

When I checked in 9 days ago I blew a 52% FEV1 so I thought… I had a goal to blow a 65 today- well I blew a 67% I was excited! Dr. Leon came in to my room and discussed my FEV1 jump of what I thought was 15 points in really 8 days! turns out I read the initial test wrong. I came in at 42%!!!! I’ve been at 56ish before but 42! holyWOW I was freaked out, prolly best I misread it. Anyway that means I jumped from 42 to 67 and my stay is only half done:) in a perfect world I could jump that much again. However the closer I get to baseline the harder those points are to earn. My goal: assuming they don’t take away all my drugs that helped me get this far is now 76%. Its bold… it’s not an obsession; just a goal to keep in mind as i’m running stairs and rowing the rest of this week away. So… baseline was 72 in Jan, if I can raise that I’ll feel like a champ:)

Aneway I guess things were feeling better until the nutritionist came in talking the gospel of carbs and sugars. I can’t stand knowing in my gut that the path ole Jack Kruse was taking me down was a good thing. I don’t seem to be able to follow it tho. There was a few months where switching to a Paleo diet felt like death. I was craving anything that looked like fuel. In the end of my experinment I’d had headaches for weeks (that was new) and until GraceK told me she too was having them I tried to ignore the correlation. I ended my torturous Paleo experiment with a bowl of rice. Headache was gone. Irritated at defeat I now see that wether i’m diabetic today or not, my body is not so good at regulating and using insulin. I thought, Paleo Kruse… I’m a disciplined athlete! I can do this. But i couldn’t. I think I know why. The goal I had might work if my body was working right. But my pancreas can’t do it’s job so i’ve got to get more creative if this is to work.

CFRD seems to be a hybrid of Diabetes or Livabetes as Micah’s comment inspired. The propaganda my UAB nutritionist gave me reminded me of the doomsday garbage they still print about CF. I tried to read it without freaking out but the parts about me not being ‘efficient in turning food to energy’ got my attention. Efficiency is a Jack word. Her plan of how to live well with this was sooooo opposite to everything that felt right I could hardly stand it. Eat all day long, carbs and protein. I expect my body to preform at an optimum level, I felt sick just hearing all this nonsense. So i’ve reached another frustrating contradiction. How can Quantum Kruse use food to keep me off the needle? It takes so much energy to keep my lungs operational I just don’t have the patience for this. Hopefully my Hemoglobin A1c comes back tomorrow morning and I will be borderline as i’ve been for years. Dr. Leon also told me infection will make my sugars rise, the propaganda said steroids would too. Between stress, steroids like Advair and infections in my lungs why wouldn’t my numbers be higher than normal. It’s late and I thought it would help to voice this. My heart is frustrated, I just gotta focus on my breath- something I know.

As i’m going to sleep my nurse came in to tell me my Hemoglobin A1C was 6.3. She said not to worry and that after being tested tomorrow morning I will know more but as of now it looks fine. It’s ideally between 5-6 i’m gonna chalk this .3 up to the above mentioned stressors and conclude at least for tonight that my doc cried wolf.

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6 Responses to “Diabetes…”Live”abetes”

  1. Grace October 26, 2013 at 4:03 PM #

    J. You can do this. You will discover the right way. Grasp your greatness. Continue to pick this apart. Seek the right answer. It’s there. You just have to pause. piece the puzzle together. Cast out frustrations. Breathe. Settle your heart. Settle your weary mind so the strong mind intercedes to perform what you are best at, creating a beautiful solution! It’s out there! When you get off that beeping machine, you’ll have no one to answer to…no more doctors. Just your mind. Clarity doesn’t come, it’s already there. Find it. Put. It. Together. We have to be patient and passionate enough to communicate with the truth that we discover over time. Find the solution so the kid in the other building can live as you do! Gloriously hopeful because limitations don’t exist! Because for you, as we know, they don’t :))) God has given you so many gifts that piece together to create one powerful warrior!! My powerful impactor.

    I’m so proud of you for mastering this 2 wk sesh. You are an inspiration to all of us! Love on ppl well these last few days. I love this quote from Abe Linc, “Character is like a tree and reputation like a shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing.” I know the tree. Leave behind a shadow of hope like you do for me every time I leave you! Be great! Climb great! Breathe greater!!!! Thankful for You. Your strength. Your perseverance. With forever thankfulness and love. GK #FV

  2. October 27, 2013 at 3:30 PM #

    hi Jeremy
    I’m borderline to diabetes….the doc say i have glucose intolerence . i’ve been like that for the past ten years. When I control my food, i’m never up to 7. And for a CF, we can manage to be between 4 and 8 … we cannot stop eating sugar because of our weight…. And as you know, diabetes can be a part responsible for your pulmonary drop, bacterias LOVE sugar ! Well, i know a great deal about nutrition so if you need any advice, let me know. I can help 🙂
    Take care
    MC

  3. November 12, 2013 at 6:50 PM #

    Never give up!

    How do you convince your body that fat is worth digesting though?

    I think there are serious ties between this and gut flora… CFer’s have to take soo many meds, its like your stomachs never have a chance to develop a healthy spectrum. On top of that, the pancreas is inefficent at best.
    http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2012/10/01/gut-bacteria-on-fat-absorption.aspx

    I think bacterial replacement methods from healthy individuals need to be pursued. Kind of gross in the current form (how do you get someone else’s waste into your digestive system?), but someone is bound to capitalize on this at some point and create a pill form.
    http://perfecthealthdiet.com/2010/07/bowel-disease-part-iv-restoring-healthful-gut-flora/

  4. December 10, 2013 at 12:20 AM #

    Seems I spoke less than a month too soon: http://blogs.discovermagazine.com/d-brief/2013/10/07/poop-pills-could-replace-fecal-transplants-of-gut-bacteria/

    🙂 The quest continues

    • December 10, 2013 at 1:19 AM #

      Man you are awesome:) this was the weirdest article! I laughed out loud when they said it was going to be an expensive process, I can’t wait to see who buys the first patent on poop. How is the Cali winter?

      • December 12, 2013 at 7:28 PM #

        Better, question is, who will be the first lawyer to specialize in poop patent cases…. talk about a shitty job in a shitty industry 😉

        The bay has been beautiful! The weather has been a little cooler, but I embrace it at this point – and “cooler” means in the high 40s’ low 50’s while still being sunny every day. I have zero complaints; gym shorts and a tank top comprise my daily lunchtime walk outfit still and I hope to maintain it through the whole “winter”.

        The other day while I was walking, a couple old ladies told me to take care of myself (probably concerned for my health and safety, as they were very bundled up cause it was ~48 out). All I could do was smile, and say, “I am, thanks!”. If they only knew…

        I saw your latest post too; sounds like a fun time at the Kruse holiday party. I hope you have success in your continued pursuits, friend… very interested to hear how your experimenting goes. You can even borrow my mantra, used every time I am staring my shower down about to get in: The water is warm. 😉

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