Micah’s got that diabetes… “Nah i got that ‘Live’abetes”-Micah Goddard
That month at RAMP I studied his plastic tube that hung from under his shirt like a long wallet chain. Somewhere inside pants that were always too big he carried a beeper looking insulin pump. I’ve been around a few diabetics, mostly Ben Watts and Russell West. Yet i’d never seen anyone so caviler when a snag pulled the needle out- I cringed every time and he’d just tend to it no biggie.
I’d been asking myself lately… Who will I be this winter? Explorer..Sculptor..Climber. Diabetic never crossed my mind, till now.
Today was my limit… After 9 days in the hospital getting my lungs tuned up at UAB, I was met at 8am by a Dr. telling me… good morning;”You have Diabetes”. My groggy self (are you sure?) Without hesitation; “I know you do”. The rest was a blur until I woke up sufficiently. Some docs give me the feeling that they have tools in their tackle box and can’t wait to use them. This was my thought as she told me i’d need a shot every day of long acting insulin. Apparently my fasting glucose level at 2am was 192. I’m NO expert but i do know I was eating a big meal and drank a gatorade at 1am. When the nurse took my blood before hooking up my next med at 2am the last thing I thought was… oh damn this is the last time i’ll enjoy a guilt free gummy bear. I tried to reason through my frustration. I deal with alot of treatments, why is CFRD (Cystic Fibrosis Related Diabetes) making me so irritated? Almost betrayed or ashamed.. It has bothered me all day. Kinda stole my momentum from a good pulmonary function test I had today…
When I checked in 9 days ago I blew a 52% FEV1 so I thought… I had a goal to blow a 65 today- well I blew a 67% I was excited! Dr. Leon came in to my room and discussed my FEV1 jump of what I thought was 15 points in really 8 days! turns out I read the initial test wrong. I came in at 42%!!!! I’ve been at 56ish before but 42! holyWOW I was freaked out, prolly best I misread it. Anyway that means I jumped from 42 to 67 and my stay is only half done:) in a perfect world I could jump that much again. However the closer I get to baseline the harder those points are to earn. My goal: assuming they don’t take away all my drugs that helped me get this far is now 76%. Its bold… it’s not an obsession; just a goal to keep in mind as i’m running stairs and rowing the rest of this week away. So… baseline was 72 in Jan, if I can raise that I’ll feel like a champ:)
Aneway I guess things were feeling better until the nutritionist came in talking the gospel of carbs and sugars. I can’t stand knowing in my gut that the path ole Jack Kruse was taking me down was a good thing. I don’t seem to be able to follow it tho. There was a few months where switching to a Paleo diet felt like death. I was craving anything that looked like fuel. In the end of my experinment I’d had headaches for weeks (that was new) and until GraceK told me she too was having them I tried to ignore the correlation. I ended my torturous Paleo experiment with a bowl of rice. Headache was gone. Irritated at defeat I now see that wether i’m diabetic today or not, my body is not so good at regulating and using insulin. I thought, Paleo Kruse… I’m a disciplined athlete! I can do this. But i couldn’t. I think I know why. The goal I had might work if my body was working right. But my pancreas can’t do it’s job so i’ve got to get more creative if this is to work.
CFRD seems to be a hybrid of Diabetes or Livabetes as Micah’s comment inspired. The propaganda my UAB nutritionist gave me reminded me of the doomsday garbage they still print about CF. I tried to read it without freaking out but the parts about me not being ‘efficient in turning food to energy’ got my attention. Efficiency is a Jack word. Her plan of how to live well with this was sooooo opposite to everything that felt right I could hardly stand it. Eat all day long, carbs and protein. I expect my body to preform at an optimum level, I felt sick just hearing all this nonsense. So i’ve reached another frustrating contradiction. How can Quantum Kruse use food to keep me off the needle? It takes so much energy to keep my lungs operational I just don’t have the patience for this. Hopefully my Hemoglobin A1c comes back tomorrow morning and I will be borderline as i’ve been for years. Dr. Leon also told me infection will make my sugars rise, the propaganda said steroids would too. Between stress, steroids like Advair and infections in my lungs why wouldn’t my numbers be higher than normal. It’s late and I thought it would help to voice this. My heart is frustrated, I just gotta focus on my breath- something I know.
As i’m going to sleep my nurse came in to tell me my Hemoglobin A1C was 6.3. She said not to worry and that after being tested tomorrow morning I will know more but as of now it looks fine. It’s ideally between 5-6 i’m gonna chalk this .3 up to the above mentioned stressors and conclude at least for tonight that my doc cried wolf.