They said I’d never grow up: I spent a longer time than most having not. It is the source of my powers… the fountain of my youth. There are days when I forget how to fly, I forget my happy thought. There are days when I believed them, I may never grow up. My lost boys remind me of the battles we fought, the fun we have had. We still tell stories and laugh until I can’t remember what I forgot. Sweet hooks and reruns are the lessons I learn time and time again. I forget there is a thing called “letting go”, nobody in the scrap remembers. It is the last strategy not defeat. The last thought before you can fly.
There are days I thought myself so happy as to never land.
July 17, I’m in the hospital again… truth. I knew my stress levels were growing inside me, I knew my breathing wasn’t great and my energy level was shit. I stopped taking Insulin or checking my blood sugar while climbing in Spain in April; coming home to my beautiful summer and beach weather how could I need Insulin when I get so much good light. Anyway I was Blindly bioHacking Light -vs- Insulin and all was crashing and I got too dumb to measure it. I started noticing gym eyes wouldn’t focus. I thought my glasses were defective or my RX had changed in a matter of days. Then it occurred to me that my sugars might be to blame. After 12 hours of sleep my sugar was over 300. I started back on my long lasting Insulin pen with 10 units. I didn’t check my sugars except in the morning because my vision had at least gotten better. I had a checkup days later at UAB, my HA1C was 11:( No bueno.
How does PeterPan get diabetes? He wasn’t supposed to grow up and now he is crashing instead of flying… this was my thought this morning when my buddy Daniel Bell sent me a song called Lost Boys by Ruth B. I wept… My innermost identity is clashing with my reality. Are my beliefs in the way? probably… I know that Insulin Dogma is in the way. Its been 3 days and still we wrestle with sugars in the 400’s even 3 hours after eating. We need fresh tactics. Infection, anxiety and yes sugars are affecting my summertime. Happiness is getting messy again, time to fight.
My FEV1 was 48 upon admission, I have rested for 3 days and will go find the sun tomorrow and begin training. Lindsay is coming for our 2 year anniversary:) 2 years of closeness, I am grateful I haven’t run her off:) Love you Linz