Oct 4, 2015
Fev1 is 53%. The first time I blew it was a 45, then 50, then a 53. Frustrating but ok what did I buy with that %? I spend those FEV1% like an adventure budget. When I dip too much into the red I have to make up for it later. Here I am 3 months ahead of schedule in UAB for a tune up. They said 3days and i’d go home with this pik line and continue treatments myself with sunshine and cold therapy as my nurses. I’m no good at laying around but in this place I force myself the first 3 days. About the time I make peace with the FEV1 battle and get a game plan they come to me about my sugars.
Hemoglobin A1C is 8.7, the last time they checked it was 7.1. My pride keeps me from accepting insulin. There I said it. How do I be sure my pride doesn’t cost me my eyes or my kidneys? Food looks like no fun anymore. I never could taste it, now my indifference becomes resentment. My plan to workout and get strong is replaced by the need to rebel. Against who I can’t tell, sugar pisses me off! You’ve heard it all before folks, my excuses, my double standard. How many people would rather sit in a tub of ice rather than a shot of insulin? I had! At least I know the ice is making me stronger, insulin feels like quitting. I remember an old body builder friend telling me & type1 diabetic Elder West that he knew people who injected insulin to enhance their physique somehow.
I feel imbalanced, like I don’t know what I want anymore as soon as someone says diabetes. It wasn’t the CF that made him freak out it was the damn diabetes like a sluggish bandit in the shadows. When I think of it I think Sloth.
Oct 6, 2015
I had a peace come to me… A revision, a waking. I have had nightmares the past few months, like bad ones! I haven’t slept very well and apatite has been very instant gratification based. My thought yesterday was “Both” I watched a sunset and remembered it’s not lungs it’s pancreas and lungs. It’s not ketonic it’s fish and CT. It’s not enzymes it’s now enzymes and sugars. I’m going to understand this tool, I’m going to bioHack insulin. My goal is a 1 time a day shot to lower my highs. This morning my finger prick test was 228, I hadn’t eaten in at least 8 hours. I try too hard not to monitor this any more than one week a year. I have noticed my heart race occasionally and unexplained drops in fev1. This elephant in the room has to be addressed. Hopefully these pen injections are easy to manage but if not I’ve still got to deal with it.
Oct 7, 2015
Today I blew a FEV1 of 65% !!!! WhooHoo, I had all kinds of reasons in my head why this wasn’t gonna be a good day to blow, turns out I guess it was. remember in Jan I left UAB with a 69% after 2 weeks. This go round I came up 12 points in 6 days:) I hope to gain a point each day and blow a 72% on my next appointment on Oct 20th. It takes a lot of energy to avoid needles and Diabetes, as of now I am taking 10mg of Insulin with a pen once a day and watching to see if it knocks the highs down. Livabetes.
Oct 10, 2015
I am at home still taking my Tobi and CefTaz through a pic line. It takes up about 45 minutes for CefTaz and 1hour 10 min for Tobi. I have started checking my blood sugar with some fanciness my Uncle Stephen gave me. Last night before dinner it was 89 and this morning it was 136. I think the 5 units of insulin from that once a day Lantus Pen is working nicely. I was supposed to go to NYC with family yesterday but couldn’t pull myself togather mentally to make the trip- I need to train, I know I do… so I killed it. Very hard day, today I’ll add rowing and run some. I long boarded last night to decompress a little before bedtime, I forget how happy that makes me. Today is my Dad’s Birthday, Happy Birthday Old man:) He is always there.
Oct 20, 2015
Today I went to UAB for my post hospital checkup, it feels so good to have this pic line out. I blew a 68%
I am still not 100% at all but my lungs feel strong. I have been journaling my blood sugar results and had that to show them as well as some more disturbing symptoms of loss of appetite both food and sexual. They decided I’m just depressed. I was suspicious but i needed to be told I guess. I know how to fix that, so I went to a place where I couldn’t ask for anything else, i would be at peace. HP40:) The 24 hours totally alone really charged me up. I built a fire and sat and wrote, drew things without my glasses on and then drew them with on. I climbed like a wild man without shoes and tried to run a circuit around the Panty Shields boulder without touching the ground. While on top I spied a problem I have not been able to do for years, “Slinging Meat v4” Its tiny chip of a foot required a shoe and after several attempts trying my fingers began to ache. I rested, took off my glasses and finished the problem. when I topped out I remembered I was blind and had to crawl around looking for a way down.ha I was alone in the forrest laughing. It was a beautiful day that ended with me writing every thought I had and falling asleep beside a campfire. The weather was perfect! Eventually my only thought was: my leg is hot, move it away from the fire. After I did my mind went empty again. That never happens, I was so grateful and climbed well the next day, all barefoot. I’d never climbed so much barefoot and it changed everything. I climbed it all different, I felt more. Spirit, Bombadill, that thing next to Spirit, so many good boulders cruised with no rubber in sight. I rediscovered climbing that day. It would have taken a week with a crew to accomplish the mentally what being alone did in 24 hours. I have the best friends ever don’t get me wrong, solo missions are apparently very important to my sanity tho. You know the best part… my girlfriend gets it. She has been really strong for me this month, weird that I confide that here but thank you babe:)
Annnnd Lindsay cleaned my room:)